


“I thought this was the NewlyWed Tag, not the ‘Embarrass Phil as Much as Possible’ Tag.”

by umathurmanjustwatchedmehavesex



Series: Days in the Married Life of Dan and Phil [4]
Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Domestic, Domestic Phan, Established Relationship, Fluff, M/M, Marriage
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-30
Updated: 2016-06-30
Packaged: 2018-07-19 07:26:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,072
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7351648
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/umathurmanjustwatchedmehavesex/pseuds/umathurmanjustwatchedmehavesex
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's November 2017, Dan and Phil have just gotten married, and Dan uploads a video of them doing the Newlywed tag.</p>
            </blockquote>





	“I thought this was the NewlyWed Tag, not the ‘Embarrass Phil as Much as Possible’ Tag.”

[Video opens on Dan sitting on the bed in his and Phil’s bedroom. His lips are pursed, his eyes are slightly wide, and when he speaks his voice is careful and clearly stunned.]

“So you broke Twitter. And Tumblr. And YouTube. Now that, that I all expected. That’s why we uploaded them reasonably late in the evening UK time so that once they were up we could turn off our Wi-Fi and our data and just have a date night so that only people who have our numbers could contact us because we knew we were going to return to _absolute chaos_ , but dear god you went above and beyond anything I was ever expecting.”

[Dan takes a deep breath before he continues on.]

“You guys broke Google. You guys _literally_ broke Google because you were googling us too much oh my _god_. I already need another holiday and it’s only been a fortnight. But, seriously, though: you guys have been _amazing_. ‘ _PhanIsReal´_ was the top trend for almost an entire day, the vast majority of the tweets all very positive and supportive. There has been some backlash, people saying we’re just doing it for attention – because, yeah, we _obviously_ got married for a  _publicity stunt_ – others making some honestly reasonably justifiable accusations about we hadn’t come out earlier, and some complete idiots who just don’t like that we’re together in the first place – but the response has been better than I could have ever dreamed, even if I did not expect my video to get almost 10 million views in a week. Seriously. That is a _lot_ of views.”

“So that’s a little catch-up because I couldn’t _not_ talk about how ridiculous and ridiculously great you guys have been this past week, but now onto the _actual_ topic of the video! The NewlyWed Challenge or, as we like to call it, ‘The Easiest Way to Answer Most of Your Questions in One Ten Minute Video’.”

“And, as becoming a newlywed generally involves two people, today I am joined by my husband, Phil –”

[Phil appears on screen and sits close to Dan with a little wave: Heart Eyes Howell™ is activated.]

“Hello!”

“Phil Howell-Lester, how are you doing today?”

“I don’t think I’m ever going to get used to you calling me that.”

“Calling you what?”

“Your husband. Or Mr Howell-Lester. They both sound so weird but also so right, if that even makes any sense at all.”

“Not to be gay or anything, but that was kind of adorable.”

“Thank you!”

[Jumpcut to them _not_ looking at each other with major Heart Eyes, instead at the camera. Dan is holding white notecards.]

“Okay, so we’ve got fifteen questions we’re going to answer together –”

“We wanted to have eight questions for each year we’ve been together, but we couldn’t narrow it down that much.”

“No, Phil; _you_ wanted to have eight questions, because you’re a sentimental idiot. But yeah, fifteen questions we found online, mostly, but almost a fortnight ago now so hopefully they'll be as much of a surprise to us as they'll be to you. Okay, first question: _where did we meet_? Well, this one’s easy –”

“We met at Manchester station exactly eight years before we got married.”

“Through a mutual friend.”

[Phil puts his head in his hands and groans quietly.]

“Oh, god, don’t remind me I said that.”

“What was her name, again, Phil? _Lie_ -ra? _Lie_ -la? E- _lie_ -za?”

[Dan sings the final name a la Hamilton as Phil shakes his head in his hands.]

“Stop, stop, it’s too embarrassing, please!”

“Okay, fine, but only because you can dig up _far_ worse ammo against me.”

[Phil lifts his head with a nod at the camera before taking the notecards from his husband, moving on to the one beneath]

“Oh, you have no idea. Okay, second question: _what were our first impressions of each other_?”

“ _Woof_.”

[Phil blushes in a way that a thirty-year-old man should not be able to.]

“Oh my _god_.”

“What? I was a sixteen-year-old boy; you literally can’t blame me for that being my first impression of you.”

“ _Still_. I thought this was the NewlyWed Tag, not the ‘Embarrass Phil as Much as Possible' Tag.”

“Okay, what about you? Summer 2009, you first start replying to my tweets, what was your first impression of me?”

[Silence as Phil contemplates the question, Dan staring at him with raised eyebrows.]

“…it was pretty much the same thing, if I’m to be perfectly honest.”

[Dan throws his arms in the air.]

“ _Thank_ you! Finding at someone online, thinking they’re hot, stalking them until you're friends, then marrying them eight years later: best way to start to a marriage that I’ve ever heard of.”

“What about in real life?”

“…what about in real life?”

“Like, when we first met at the train station, what was your first impression of me?”

“ _Oh_ – yeah, it was pretty much the same thing, to be honest. Okay, no, it was probably some sappy shit like your eyes looking bluer in real life than on screen but, honestly, so much happened that day and it was so long ago that pretty much all the details are lost on me.”

"Aw, you're such a romantic." 

"I know, right. 

“You were taller than I thought you were going to be.”

“And now I’m the taller one, sucks to be you, Philly.”

[Phil shakes his head grumpily at the screen, pursing his lips. Jumpcut.]

“Okay, next question: _where was our first date_?”

[Dan contemplates this for a moment.]

“Would you count Starbucks as our first date?”

“I think I would? Although the first time we on a proper date – as in, have a fancy meal at a restaurant sort of date – was when we went to Portugal when we ate out literally every evening, it was great.”

“What? No, it can’t have been. It can’t have been Portugal – really? Really? That was when we first had a fancy meal?”

[Phil is nodding as Dan speaks.]

“Yeah, remember how we alternated who paid every night?”

“Oh, god, yes, that was so long ago what the _hell_.”

“Before that, the only other restaurant we’d gone to, just us, was Nandos, I think.”

“Of course it was. Of course it was. Jesus Christ, we were _terrible_. Literally, could you get a more stereotypical restaurant for a young British bloke to go on a date, even if it is with another guy? Okay, next one, _when and where did you have your first kiss_?”

[They both avoid each other’s eyes, and the camera, both looking a little awkward and fidgety, almost _guilty_ in their reluctance to answer the question.]

“Yeah, you probably all know where we had our first kiss. Moving on! Phil, _who said ‘I love you’ first and when_?”

[Dan turns his head expectantly, but Phil’s face is guiltily blank.]

“Um. I’m not sure.”

“ _You can’t remember_ –”

[Phil brings his hands up to hide his face in his embarrassment as Dan looks fondly irritated next to him.]

“No, I can’t, I’m sorry! It was a _really_ long time ago.”

“Right, that’s it, I’m leaving, I’m leaving you, I’m packing my bags and I’m going.”

[Dan gets up, dropping the note cards on their bed, and leaves the view of the screen: Phil calls after him, laughing.]

“Wait, come back! I don’t want to have to change my surname back to Lester!”

[Dan’s yells back get a little quieter as he gets further away.]

“Don’t care, do a Cheryl Cole and keep it!”

“I’ll be able to do Cheryl Cole if you leave me.”

“Oh my _god_.”

[Jumpcut. Dan is sitting next to Phil again, arms folded but looking less and less affronted by the minute. Heart Eyes Howell ™ is still in full force.]

“Okay, I managed to coax my husband back into the room, mostly by assuring him that it’s not the first _I love you_ that matters to me, but all the ones I’ll be able to continue saying in the future.”

“He just got away with it, _just_.”

“No sleeping in the other room for me.”

[Dan closes his eyes and shakes his head, smile wide.]

“You are _impossible_ , why on _Earth_ did I marry you?”

“Because I am _just_ that adorable. You literally said that just a minute ago.”

[Dan opens his eyes again, if only to roll his eyes at the camera.]

“Yes, Phil, you are _just_ that adorable. Okay, next question, number…?”

“Six, I think? We didn't put the numbers on the notecards, that was a stupid idea. It’s _how long did we date before we got engaged_?”

“First got together October 2009, engaged in October 2016, so seven years – see, I remember important things like that, unlike you.”

“He wasn’t lying about the domestic squabbles in his video. We have a lot of those.”

“All out of love, I swear. Okay, next one…”

[Dan leans forward, unfolding his arms, to take the notecards from Phil: their hands brush, and Phil playfully taps his fingers on Dan’s, who huffs with laughter.]

“ _How did you know that your spouse was the one_? Wow, this got deep quickly. Please try not to say anything too unromantic.”

“I don’t believe in the idea of there being ‘the one’ or a ‘soulmate’ –”

“Oh, here we go.”

“– we’re still together because we work hard at our relationship.”

“Okay, how did you know that our relationship was worth working hard for?”

“The minute we said goodbye for the first time when you had to travel back to Reading. I knew I wanted to see you again, I knew I wanted to continue seeing you again for a very long time. I didn’t expect at that point that we would still be together eight years later, never mind married, but it was then I knew I wanted to work hard to continue what we had and I think it’s worked out pretty well, don’t you?”

[Dan looks at him, mouth slightly agape. Phil remains looking very matter-of-fact, as if what he just said was the most obvious thing in the world.]

“Excuse us for a moment.”

[Dan moves to turn off the camera. Jumpcut to them still sitting on the bed, slightly flushed, with hair fixed just a little differently.]

“Don’t judge us, we’re newlyweds.”

[Dan laughs a tad breathlessly.]

“I can’t believe we’re including this in a video, dear god. What were we talking about again?”

[They look at each other for a few seconds, before Dan turns back to the camera slightly shamefacedly.]

“Yeah, we’re gonna have to re-watch what we were just filming.”

[Jumpcut.]

“Okay, so we were on question seven, _when we knew our spouse was the one_ , and Phil had said some sappy bullshit that I may have had a slightly over-the-top reaction to, but my answer to that question is… pretty much at the same time as Phil, to be honest. I’d realised over that weekend that for me there was Phil, and then there was _everyone else_ , and that just kind of stuck with me, really. It still hasn’t changed. It’s never going to change. The fact that we’re married was just a way for me to tell the world that.”

[A moment of silence as they smile at each other, before Dan clears his throat.]

“Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaanyway. _When did your spouse meet the family?_ Oh, god.”

[Dan puts a hand over his face as Phil winces at the camera.]

“We weren’t very good with the whole ‘meet the family’ thing.”

“In all fairness, my parents did not like the mere _idea_ of Phil at first, never mind actual Phil. Like, y’know, there’s mutual fondness between everyone now, of course, because he is literally my husband –”

“– I’m not only his husband, I’m _literally_ his husband –”

“– and eight years is a long time to realise that Phil was not actually a creepy man on MySpace who was grooming me but, oh my god, at the _start_. Like, I completely understand where they’re coming from now. Your eighteen-year-old son meets an older guy online and starts talking to him and _about_ him constantly? ...yeah, I'd've been concerned, especially in 2009. Yeah, sure, it was only four years, and it’s barely even a thing now bar me teasing Phil about him turning thirty, but then it seemed a lot bigger, especially for them, probably, and they were really passive-aggressive about me going and seeing you. I think I might’ve even lied about who I was visiting a couple times. They got over it, though."

“Your family are lovely to me now.”

“You just have to say that because they’re your in-laws.”

“What, they are! When did you meet mine again?”

“Just before Christmas, I think. I’m pretty sure they were away the first half a dozen times I was there – in fact, I know they weren’t there for reasons I will not indulge but you can probably guess involving me and Phil…”

[They fall into an awkward silence, side-eyeing each other.]

“Being intimate?”

[Dan splutters indignantly as Phil smirks just a little, as if he knew that comment would get that reaction.]

“ _Never_ say that again, ever, at all, under any circumstances. Being a bit too loud, let’s just leave it at that. But, yeah, think I met your parents when I visited just before Christmas which I think was weird for all of us, me being your barely-legal sort-of-boyfriend of two months and you being, well, you –”

“– thanks –”

“– you’re welcome. But, seriously, though, I remember your mum being so accommodating of me, especially considering the fact that I was absolutely terrified. She even got me a gift which I think was really sweet of her.”

“Didn’t she get you socks?”

“She _did_ get me socks. They had tiny snowmen on them. It was a great Christmas present. My family was just a bit salty about me not being there for most of Christmas Eve, though.”

“Sorry about that, by the way.”

“Pffff, don’t be _sorry_ , it was literally eight years ago – so I met Phil’s parents pretty quickly, whereas Phil met mine… the next summer?”

“Yeah, I think I met them when I came down for a couple nights before you went off to uni.”

“Who knows, who cares, we’re all friends now, moving on. Oh, this is a good one, _what is your favourite thing about each other?_ Come on, lay it on me about how much you love me.”

“Just one thing? I don’t think I could narrow it down that much.”

“Really? Because I was about to say that one thing was too many because there isn’t a single thing I like about you.”

[Phil shoves Dan playfully as he laughs.]

“Okay, but, seriously, though, mine is probably how good a listener you are. Like, Phil knows more than anyone about how I can talk the hind leg of a donkey, but he found that out in our, what, second Skype date, and completely took this entire mess on board, which meant a lot to the insecure attention-seeking 2009 Dan. Still does now, actually, because apparently I am no less insecure and no less attention-seeking, clearly.”

“What? I like listening to you talk. That’s not a bad thing.”

“It’s not, you doofus: that’s why I married you.”

“What, just because I listen to you when you blab on about all kinds of random stuff? That’s why you married me?”

“Yeah, pretty much, that seems to sum it up quite well. What about you, what’s your favourite thing about me?”

“Well, if we’re talking about it in terms of 2009, you were always asking me questions about myself and what I was doing and how I made videos –”

[Dan sends a Look™ to the camera.]

“– ah, yes, all those editing tips I asked for –”

“– and really properly engaging with me, which was a nice change. I wouldn’t be able to say what my favourite thing about you now is because there’s just too many things, but that is _definitely_ one of the top five.”

“I think what we can learn from this conversation is that, to maintain a good relationship, you should probably be interested in what each other has to say."

“Protip!”

“Mhm, protip: actually like the person you’re dating! Always helpful. Okay, next one… oh, god, this one’s easy.”

“Even easier then saying your favourite thing about me?”

“Oh, way easier.”

“Not sure if I should take that as a compliment or not.”

“Probably best to take it as a compliment, Phil, god knows I don’t do it enough. Question is _do we have any traditions_?”

“Oh, you’re right, that one _is_ easy.”

“Told you. Okay, let’s make it a bit harder: do we have any traditions _other_ than our PINOF videos, drawing cat whiskers on our faces, and dropping in on the end of each other’s livestreams?”

“...watching anime when we eat breakfast?”

“Yeah, I’m not sure if that one counts, we’ve mentioned that one in our videos before. Do we have any that are _not_ mentioned in our videos?”

[They both contemplate this for a moment before Phil clicks his fingers.]

“You always get a packet of peanuts when we’re on a plane even though you don’t like peanuts so that you can give them to me. That counts as a tradition, right?”

“So romantic, me getting peanuts for you.”

“It is thoughtful, though.”

“It is, that’s true. Okay, _what is one thing your spouse does that drives you insane_? I honestly don’t think I even need to answer this question.”

“Hey, I have gotten a lot better at not eating your cereal.”

“That’s true, he has, I’m proud of him.”

“Thank you.”

“What about me, what is one thing I do that drives you insane? ...I’m gonna regret including this, aren’t I?”

“Dan does the thing where he leaves plates in the sink instead of putting them in the dishwasher, _and_ he never makes a shopping list when he goes to Tesco so he always forgets half of what I asked him to get, _and_ –”

“Alright, alright, the question was what is _one_ thing, not name all of Dan’s flaws.”

"They do drive me insane, though."

"Hey, you chose this,  _and_ proposed to this, you can't complain."

“What’s the next one, then?”

[Dan looks down at the notecard, and immediately starts laughing.]

“What, what? What’s so funny?”

“Oh, god, it’s _what was the funniest thing that happened on your honeymoon_?”

“Please don’t say you’re thinking of what I think you’re thinking of.”

“I don’t know, what are you thinking of? I’m thinking about the thing at the airport –”

“Oh. _Oh_ , I was thinking about something completely different.”

“Wait, what were _you_ thinking of?”

[Phil opens his mouth to speak. Jumpcut, Dan is laughing.]

“Something not PG enough to talk about on camera, apparently. Okay, basically, we had this thing which is what we like to call the Airport Incident when we were going through baggage handling.  It was at the very end of our trip which was, you know, two whole weeks with limited access to washing machines, so we had this big bag filled with laundry to do when we got home and, what do you know, they randomly stop _us_ for a random baggage check, you know, to make sure we weren’t carrying any bombs. God knows why they stopped us, but they did, and this dude, this poor guy, had to rummage through what was basically a fortnight’s worth of our dirty pants in search for bombs.”

“It wasn’t particularly dignified.”

“No, it wasn’t, and me and Phil were just kind of half-sniggering half-dying of embarrassment at the side trying not to seem too suspicious, which was not – not our finest moment, I have to say.”

“It would’ve been worse if we were a lesbian couple, though.”

“It _would’ve_ been. Like, I understand that some guys do wear that kind of thing, even if neither of us are particularly interested in it ourselves, but at least he was just rummaging through a bag of used Calvin Kleins instead of flimsy scraps of nothing from Victoria’s Secret.”

“Now, _that_ would’ve been funny. Thongs would’ve just been flying everywhere.”

“Quite a mental image you’ve conjured up there, Phil. Clearly you’ve put a lot of thought into it.”

“I have. I don’t think I would want to wear a thong that had been dropped onto the floor of an airport, no matter how many times it got washed.”

[Dan looks like as if he’s struggling not to laugh, Phil still looking completely serious.]

“Phil Howell-Lester, everyone.”

[Jumpcut.]

“Question thirteen, _who is the bigger cover-hog_?”

[Phil turns his head to stare at Dan, who raises his eyebrows.]

"What, what? What're you looking at me for?"

“Come on, Mr Burrito, own up.”

[Dan splutters defensively.]

“Did you just call me _Mr Burrito?_ ”

“Yes, I did, because you burrito yourself into the duvet every single night.”

“Okay, okay, fine, it’s me, I admit it. I’m the cover-hog. Is this nearly over because, honestly, there’re only so many call-outs I can handle in one day.”

“Only two questions left.”

“Oh, thank god, what are they?”

“Fourteen is _what is one thing we couldn’t live without_?”

“Well, the obvious answer is the internet, of course. Second is probably Phil? Like, my life was pretty mediocre before I met him, but now it’s slightly above mediocre, so I’d probably say him.”

“Yeah, same. I would’ve have anyone to steal cereal off.”

“And I wouldn’t have anyone to play video games with, clearly we have our priorities in check. And what’s the last one?”

“ _What is one goal we want to complete in the next year?_ Oh, this one’s really sweet.”

“It is. Well, making it through the year without driving each other up the wall is the main priority. We’ve been together for eight years so it’d be a real shame if it was _getting married_ that actually drove the largest wedge in our relationship.”

“Continuing creating and making things and inspiring creation in others, and continuing to always strive to be the best we can be not just for our fans and for ourselves but for each other as well.  That's the goal I want us to complete in the next year, and the year after that, and all the years after that as well.”

“How very sweet and unspecific, Phil, but I’ll stand by those words and support you anyway. I love how different our responses were: you being all love and peace and happiness, and me being all oh, my god, let’s just get through this first year. Please, feel free to write as much meta as possible about that, because I have no idea what that says about us."

[Jumpcut: no notecards now and their hands cannot be seen below the camera: it looks like they  _could_ be holding hands off-screen. Dan speaks first.]

Okay, so that’s the end of this video, I actually really enjoyed doing this. I thought I wouldn’t, but I did.”

“So did I!”

“Thank you for joining me. I know you were far more reluctant about this than I was.”

“Thanks for having me.”

“What, as in in the video or as my lawfully wedded husband?”

“Both.”

“…wait, are you implying that you were reluctant about becoming my lawfully wedded husband?”

“Well, I was the one who proposed, so I sure hope that that’s not true.”

“…good point. Anyway, please like this if you want to us to make more videos like this, probably gonna end up doing a series of Dan and Phil Divulge More About Their Relationship Online Than Either Thought They’d Ever Be Comfortable With –”

“– we really need to come up with a better name for it.”

“We really do. If you guys have any suggestions on what we could call it, please leave it down in the comments below because we have absolutely no idea, and subscribe if you want to see my other stuff which is _not_ just centred around Phil –”

“It’s far harder to claim that we’re two separate people and YouTubers when we’re literally married.”

“Ah, yes, we got married just to maintain the brand, I’d completely forgotten. On that note, you can also subscribe to my husband’s channel by clicking on his face.”

“Yes, touch my face.”

“No, don’t, only I’m allowed to do that.”

“Jealous!Dan strikes again.”

“Fffff, you are literally the _worst husband ever –_ ”

**Author's Note:**

> disclaimer that i have no idea if dan likes peanuts or not, it's just a little tradition that me and my wife have that i thought was very like them.
> 
> we did these questions together as well and, i have to say, they did WAY better in this fic than we did in real life. my greatest shame, my greatest shame
> 
> please comment if you enjoyed this or had any particular lines that you liked :D
> 
> (if anyone was confused wrt to the "where did they first kiss" question, it was a tiny reference to the video that shall not be named, which i do admit i watched whenever it was first leaked.)


End file.
